Whenever we talk, I'm always extremely comfortable with you. I feel only positivity, and have yet to have had any inkling of negativity at all coming off of you. Unlike in past experiences, where there are major bursts of positive which are nice, followed by negative stints that I try to foolishly overlook, with you, I don't see any of that negativity following up the positive, nor have you ever made me feel bad in any such way, thus far.
We only talk positively, interact in positive ways, and, quite honestly, hearing your voice is the most positive thing to grace my ears each and every day~
You have a wonderful, soothing, "radio" voice~ :F
I smile as soon as I hear it, everytime~~
That said... for now
, I do have to decline
any offers of a relationship...And I want to explain why! So don't think its for the wrong reasons, please!
You're an amazing person, who only fills my life with positivity, and really makes me feel great to be alive, and be myself, and be comfortable being as such.
You're funny, intelligent, honest, friendly, caring, giving, and even though you say you're being "selfish", I'm glad that you're being selfish about me
When I say that I need to decline any offers at the moment, I mean it universally
. It has nothing to do with you, personally; its me being selfish, in a way that I feel I have to be.
As you're aware, I'm not nearly selfish enough... Though, I'm sure you're also aware that timing, and logistics fit into my approaches as well; very substantially.
In this way, I really just feel that I shouldn't be in a relationship right now
, and I'd like to explain why, so you don't misunderstand me.
I told you before that I feel "up in the air", and this is still true.
I'm at a time in my life, right now, where I don't know where I'm going to end up, what I'm going to do with my life, nor where the tides of change are going to pull me. It's an ever-changing world, with many opportunities, pathways, and obstacles. Needless to say, with my million-odd hobbies and interests, that my sails are picking up wind, and my rudder is geared towards unknown lands at the moment. I don't know, exactly, what I'm going to do with my life, nor when, nor how, nor where. I don't feel its right to hitch myself to another until I've pinned myself down, and find myself on calmer waters.
I hope that makes sense to you..?
Let me put it this way...
I don't want to lose you from my life, either.
If we were to make a go of something, and unknown tides pulled us apart in such a way that would necessitate a break up, it would greatly compromise what we have now, and I never want that. And it being so close to my scholastic end-goal, I'm feeling more and more like I need to focus on it, plow it out, and then break off from it as soon as possible, so that I can pin myself down. Once I've finished, and figured my direction out, then I'll be comfortable hitching myself to another's wagon. I just don't want to commit to something, only to have time, opportunity, or other obstacles break down what was built up; and I'm certain there will be big changes coming, for me, in the following months. I don't want to hurt you in any way, ever. I just want you to understand why I can't be "yours", at this point in time. My last relationship, as I've told you, was not planned. I'm grateful that I had it, and for the experiences, and the person I spent time with, but ultimately I didn't mean for it to happen as it did, nor "end" in such a way. That said, regardless of that ending, I'm still open to her, as a friend, if she ever needs.
I want that to be us, too.
I want to stay open to you; stay positive, stay supportive, stay 'friends' no matter what.
I want to be your friend forever.
I don't want to compromise that.
As with others, I feel like we were supposed to meet, and our paths were meant to cross as they have.
I'm so very glad for that~~
As such, I'm not saying "no" forever; I'm only saying that I need to make sure my life is in order before I hitch it to another's; regardless of how amazing that other person is (yes; you~).
I just believe that "friends" are more flexible with regards to these things, than anything more intimate would be. Not to say I ever want you to hold off on your intimacy; its lovely~
I just mean.. well...
don't want you to take this the wrong way, nor do I want to sound like I'm not interested at all...
I just... really feel, intuitively, that I need to hold off until I'm "grounded" before committing to anyone, again.
And, well, you know I'm not one to ignore my intuitions.
That said... I see no foreseeable circumstance that would pull me away from you, nor any side-swipers who would swoop in and snatch me up~
I have a general aversion to relationships, as it is, so... that's in there, but, trust me, that's not why I'm saying 'no' to you, right now~
If anything, I feel drawn to you~
I just really feel like we need to hold off on "commitment" right now, and not because I don't care, or because I want to "play the field" or anything.
Its solely because I don't
want to 'play the field', nor do I want to tie myself down in a way that could potentially hurt you, or myself, in any way that need not happen.
You're a fantastic person, who I really, really care about, and I don't want us to turn negative for each other in any way, if it can be helped.
As per humanity, I know its hard to not "want more" from something or someone, and I can tell that you do, from me, which is why I think its important that I tell you this now.
I'm not saying 'no' forever, and I'm not saying that I don't, necessarily, want to make a go, but... I really, really just can't right now
That said... when I'm ready, I'll let you know, before anyone else~
I only want to be honest with you, and this is important for me.
I need to set straight my life, and ground my direction before I'll be comfortable enough to be with
That doesn't mean I want anything between us to change~! Quite the opposite; I want it to stay the same, until I'm where I need to be~!
Maybe it doesn't entirely make sense to you, but, to me,
makes sense. Maybe I think in a strange way, I don't know.
Its something I need to do; figure out my direction, and set my sights on land, before I "drop the anchor", so to speak...
...though, that sounds a bit heavy xD haha~
Let's just keep on with what we have now
, for now
, until later